I am fat
Often when we hear a person refer to themselves as fat we will immediately say, that’s not true or don’t say that! Even if it is very much the truth. Somewhere along the line, the word fat got aligned with ugly and if you were calling yourself fat then you were in a way admitting you were ugly. That you had no body confidence. Here is the thing, I am a size 22-24. I am plus-sized. I am fat.
By calling myself fat that doesn’t mean that I don’t think I’m pretty. I, like every person in the world have their good and bad days. I have days where I am TOTALLY feeling myself and other days where I just want to blend in and hope that no one notices me. Just because I’m fat, doesn’t make me different from most human emotions. Trust me when I say that I am aware of my size. I’m aware that often when people hear my American accent they judge me slightly for being fat and sometimes it gets to me and other times I smile because, well, so what?
I am fat.
When I was younger and I would say I was fat and my family, my friends would say no, no, no. You are not fat. You are beautiful. I wonder sometimes if maybe I would have loved myself a little bit more and at a younger age if they had just said okay? So what? I wonder if they wouldn’t have felt the need to defend me against myself if our perception of the word fat hadn’t been so strongly tied to not being beautiful? If by calling myself fat, it didn’t put a weird and awkward tension in the air.
I try to not let being fat define me because I am more than the number on the scale or my pant size. I’m Amanda. I laugh a little too loud and I cry in almost every movie from something that makes me happy to sad. I use ellipses way too much and if I could, I would eat a Taco right now. I am in a healthy and wonderful relationship. My curly hair is just now starting to figure out what I want it to do and I love wearing my skinny black jeans. Being fat does not define me. It is just what I am, not who I am.
So the next time you hear me call myself fat. Don’t say I’m not. We are both better than that.
Until next time.
And big love to Annette for inspiring me to write this and for just being awesome. You can check her out here.