When You Are Feeling Scared But The View Is Hella Good
If you ever visit the Grotte de Stiffe which I highly recommend then you will also see a small walking path to an old fort. It’s a semi-rocky path at first but the views you are offered are ones that make it worth it.
I took my time down the path as it was rocky and bit steep and I can be clumsy. I was focused and trying not to mind that the boys were ahead of me, going down it easily. I am a cautious person. I always have been even as I child I took the mentality of slow and steady wins the race kind of vibe very seriously. I wasn’t breathless as going down is always easy and as I turned the pass I could see the waterfall and I also saw that Sean was waiting for me. I was a magical moment and we played around with the GoPro. The fort was behind us and we decided to go up. In my mind, it would a bit a little hilly to get to but not rocky and steep as it turned out to be.
Normally, I would have stopped and said Nah, that I didn’t want to go up and see the view from there but I did. I didn’t want to pretend to be okay with not going up and seeing the view. I really wanted to climb up and admire the view from there. I didn’t want to miss out on yet another thing because I was scared. Sean was patient, helping me up when we got to the hardest part. It was about 5 feet high of a rock wall. It would hurt and I wasn’t sure if physically I could lift myself up or get my legs to go wide enough in my skinny black jeans. I could see Sean watching me as I looked at it, figuring out how I wanted to do it. I knew I was going to look like an idiot no matter what and that there was no graceful way of doing it. I smiled up at Sean and I went for it and man did it hurt but I did it, Sean helped a little but I pulled myself up, felt my legs being pushed against the rocks that later would leave bruises but I got up and then as I stood I realized just how high we were and I became semi-paralysed.
I don’t like heights, I never have but I have never let them stop me from jumping off of cliffs into water or gazing for a view but there was something about this one that made me instantly feel defeated where moments before I felt victorious. I wanted to cry as I realized that maybe I just put myself through something that I shouldn’t have. Luckily, I had Sean. He put his arms around me, stood in front of me and told me to look straight and I did and I saw the mountains and the town of Stiffe. We moved slowly in a circle so I could view it all and as I was catching my breath I was reminded how lucky I was. That it was a Friday afternoon and I could do this not just physically but because I have given myself a life that allowed me to do this instead of being at a desk.
I felt happy and free. Scared shitless the whole time but free. Enough so that I made Sean take this gross happy pics of us.
Going down wasn’t very fun but again, Sean was there to help me. It’s fun discovering what I can push myself to do but I won’t lie, it is fantastic to have someone who loves you and who helps you. I constantly find myself becoming a better and stronger person not just because of who I am but because of who Sean makes me want to be. He is kind and it got me excited for the months ahead. I know there will be times where my mind will get in the way but he will be there to help me so that I don’t live in regret of what my mind tells me to do in the moment or the experiences that I didn’t do because I didn’t think I could do. I was scared but happy and I would do it all over again… except maybe without wearing skinny jeans.
Have you done something that scared you recently? Tell me below!