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When You Are Feeling Scared But The View Is Hella Good

When You Are Feeling Scared But The View Is Hella Good

If you ever visit the Grotte de Stiffe which I highly recommend then you will also see a small walking path to an old fort. It’s a semi-rocky path at first but the views you are offered are ones that make it worth it.

I took my time down the path as it was rocky and bit steep and I can be clumsy. I was focused and trying not to mind that the boys were ahead of me, going down it easily. I am a cautious person. I always have been even as I child I took the mentality of slow and steady wins the race kind of vibe very seriously.  I wasn’t breathless as going down is always easy and as I turned the pass I could see the waterfall and I also saw that Sean was waiting for me. I was a magical moment and we played around with the GoPro. The fort was behind us and we decided to go up. In my mind, it would a bit a little hilly to get to but not rocky and steep as it turned out to be.

Normally, I would have stopped and said Nah, that I didn’t want to go up and see the view from there but I did. I didn’t want to pretend to be okay with not going up and seeing the view. I really wanted to climb up and admire the view from there. I didn’t want to miss out on yet another thing because I was scared. Sean was patient, helping me up when we got to the hardest part. It was about 5 feet high of a rock wall. It would hurt and I wasn’t sure if physically I could lift myself up or get my legs to go wide enough in my skinny black jeans. I could see Sean watching me as I looked at it, figuring out how I wanted to do it. I knew I was going to look like an idiot no matter what and that there was no graceful way of doing it. I smiled up at Sean and I went for it and man did it hurt but I did it, Sean helped a little but I pulled myself up, felt my legs being pushed against the rocks that later would leave bruises but I got up and then as I stood I realized just how high we were and I became semi-paralysed.

I don’t like heights, I never have but I have never let them stop me from jumping off of cliffs into water or gazing for a view but there was something about this one that made me instantly feel defeated where moments before I felt victorious. I wanted to cry as I realized that maybe I just put myself through something that I shouldn’t have. Luckily, I had Sean. He put his arms around me, stood in front of me and told me to look straight and I did and I saw the mountains and the town of Stiffe. We moved slowly in a circle so I could view it all and as I was catching my breath I was reminded how lucky I was. That it was a Friday afternoon and I could do this not just physically but because I have given myself a life that allowed me to do this instead of being at a desk.

I felt happy and free. Scared shitless the whole time but free. Enough so that I made Sean take this gross happy pics of us.

Going down wasn’t very fun but again, Sean was there to help me. It’s fun discovering what I can push myself to do but I won’t lie, it is fantastic to have someone who loves you and who helps you. I constantly find myself becoming a better and stronger person not just because of who I am but because of who Sean makes me want to be. He is kind and it got me excited for the months ahead. I know there will be times where my mind will get in the way but he will be there to help me so that I don’t live in regret of what my mind tells me to do in the moment or the experiences that I didn’t do because I didn’t think I could do. I was scared but happy and I would do it all over again… except maybe without wearing skinny jeans.

Have you done something that scared you recently? Tell me below!

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